


Why you?

by Laiquendi



Category: Moonlight (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Friendship, Gen, Lost Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:42:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25089388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laiquendi/pseuds/Laiquendi
Summary: 'Why you?'...just one of the many questions swimming around inside Josef's head after the events of 'Fated To Pretend episode 13'. A concerned 'Freshie' prompts Mick to visit his friend for a heart to heart chat.
Relationships: Josef Kostan | Josef Konstantin/Sara Whitley, Mick St. John/Beth Turner
Kudos: 9





	Why you?

**"Why you?"**

  
  


Mick stood a few feet away from a pair of large oak panelled doors. The heavily varnished ancient wood protected a private world from potential prying eyes. He knew his friend Josef was somewhere inside the room. He always went there when he needed some time alone, he always went there to brood.

He'd received a call from Anna, one of Josef's regular girls earlier in the evening. She'd expressed concern about his behaviour over the past two days but was too nervous to broach the subject with the vampire in question, his change in mood had left her a little unsettled.

Apparently Josef was spending all night in his 'inner sanctum', leaving it only to sleep in his freezer during the day. He hadn't even left it to feed, all his blood had been brought to him...in a glass. He hadn't touched one of his girls since he'd returned home and she was hoping that Mick could some how fix things.

And so she stood now with Mick outside the door's to Josef's library. It didn't take acute vampire senses or a detective's eye to see how worried she was. It never ceased to amaze him, the levels of loyalty shown by his friend's staff, particularly amongst the group of beautiful and very human, young ladies that seemed to orbit around him as if trapped by some powerful gravitational force.

Mick offered her a reassuring smile and she knocked gently on the door.

As expected, there was no answer, after a few seconds she took a deep steadying breath and pushed down on the ornate brass handle.

The door swung open silently, she risked a quick peek inside. Josef seemed to be sitting in the exact same position she'd left him in hours earlier when she brought him in a glass of AB negative.

Chewing slightly on her bottom lip, she shrugged her shoulders at Mick...she was at a loss as to what to do.

The P.I moved towards the opening and gave Anna a gentle squeeze on the shoulder. Stepping across the threshold alone, he closed the heavy door behind him sealing himself inside.

Every time Mick entered this room he felt as though he was stepping back in time. Much of Josef's work place including his office had been decorated in an opulent yet modern way, the same could be said of many of the vast rooms within his sprawling home but this room was different.

This room was history, this room was Josef.

The were no phones, no tv's or computers, not a single power point in the entire space, not even a solitary light switch. The room was lit entirely by dozens of flickering bee's wax candles. Their sweet aroma adding to the many musty smells swarming the heavy air.

Rich tapestries covered some of the walls along with various paintings spanning over the last four hundred years.

Ancient tomes, weaponry, manuscripts and artifacts...personal possessions lovingly gathered over the years, filled the shelves. It was the living diary of a man that stopped living over four hundred years ago.

And in the centre of it all, an enormous granite fire place flanked by two high backed arm chairs, surrounded a blazing fire, not one produced by gas or artificial flame but an actual genuine fire.

Mick stared ahead in silence at his friend, his presence had yet to be acknowledged. He watched as the old vampire sat hunched over staring into the flickering amber flames as if mesmerised by their hypnotic dance. He knew Josef didn't feel the cold, he knew he didn't need a roaring fire but some how the routine of setting and lighting a fire always brought a strange comfort to his friend. Mick had always found it ironic that any vampire would voluntarily create something that could potentially bring about their own demise.

As he got closer he could make out a delicate red wine glass in his friend's right hand. His dexterous fingers gripped the narrow stem, rotating it ever so slightly so that the rich red contents swirled around inside. His left hand was frozen into a tight fist.

Mick could feel the waves of unchecked emotions ebbing across the room...guilt, pain, confusion and anger. It was disturbing to find his friend in such a state, the older vampire was usually a pillar of strength surrounded by an impenetrable wall. Things had changed.

Mick headed for the vacant armchair across from Josef's.

He stood for a moment as if awaiting permission to sit, he had after all entered his friend's home uninvited and as the silence stretched he gave up on decorum and sat down and waited patiently for his 'brother' to speak.

Recent events would mean they would have much to talk about and there was no doubt in his mind that the heavy demand he had made of Josef was largely to blame for his current state of mind...allowing Josef to make the first move was the least he could do.

The uncomfortable silence seemed to stretch on eternally, broken only by the occasional crackling and sparking of the burning wooden logs until...

"Why you?"

The whispered enquiry seemed to come from nowhere.

Mick gazed into his friend's pained face, his brown eyes appeared glassy from unshed tears. The question caught him by surprise and his brow furrowed slightly in confusion.

"Why you and not her?" the whisper implored.

It was only then that Josef made eye contact, then broke it just as quickly to stare into his now opened left hand. The open palm lovingly cradled a delicate golden heart shaped locket.

Mick understood instantly and all the sorrow that he had felt for his friend and his lost love Sarah swelled within him once more.

How on earth could he answer such a question? Who knows how fate works? He had no way of reasoning why the fickle mistress had decide to doom Josef's love to an endless sleep when he tried to turn her, even when it was something they had both come to agree to and desperately want in the end and yet at the same time she had allowed him under protest, to turn Mick successfully, knowing that he was robbing him of his newly regained humanity. A priceless gift barely unwrapped torn to shreds in a heart beat.

All he could think of to say was to softly repeat his friend's own words.

"Like you said...maybe the universe has different plans for you Josef."

Anger flashed, briefly clouding the older vampire's eyes and the delicate wine glass was flung into the flames shattering into a dozen pieces.

"Screw the universe Mick!"

The outburst disappeared in an instant and Josef returned to his former subdued state, if it were not for the smell of the blood burning in the flames and the tiny shards of crystal glittering on the hearth...Mick would have thought he had imagined the whole thing.

This wasn't going to be something they could both sweep under the rug. It might hang between them for a long time...it might change their friendship forever.

It was going to be a long night.

Mick sighed, a human habit he hadn't managed to ditch yet as he eased himself gracefully out of the comfortable leather chair.

If he was going to survive this night, he was going to need a drink…something a little stronger than his usual fair.

Moving in silence, he headed towards a beautiful walnut cabinet. Its rich mottled surface glowed in the amber light of the fire.

A small smile briefly graced his features as he fondly remembered the time Josef had dragged him to an auction at the Barakat Gallery on Rodeo Drive. The older vampire had waxed lyrical about wood grain, cabriole legs and lacquer…he had after all walked the earth when Queen Anne and Chippendale furniture first came into fashion. However, Mick had failed to show the proper levels of expected enthusiasm, the outing became Josef's one, and only attempt at injecting, what he called, 'a little culture' into his younger companion's life.

He also remembered the rare genuine smile that escaped when Josef actually won the item after bidding, what Mick thought was, a ridiculous amount of cash. Try as he might, he just simply couldn't justify paying that much money on a piece of furniture. Mick St. John had grow up in considerably less lavish times than Josef Kostan…it was just one of the many differences between him and his friend.

Resting in its usual spot on a silver tray on the top of the cabinet stood a large crystal decanter. Mick bent slightly, opened the cabinet and removed two matching whiskey glasses. He filled both rather generously as he inhaled deeply, marvelling in the smell of the oak-aged scotch.

He returned to his chair to find Josef still staring at the delicate golden locket, his right index finger traced the heart-shaped outline in a gentle caress.

"Here Josef…take this…you look like you could do with it," Mick advised as he held the drink out in front of his friend.

No effort of compliance was forthcoming.

Mick hunched down, now eye level with the older vampire and he pushed the glass into his friend's field of vision.

"Take it Josef," he ordered.

For an infinitesimal moment the anger flashed in those brown eyes once more, the older vampire didn't appreciate being told what to do by someone he considered to still be a child amongst his community. Mick thought he would resist the offering but instead he gathered up the long chain piled it on top of the locket and carefully placed the jewellery in his trouser pocket.

He then reached out almost sluggishly and took the glass.

"Thanks," came the muttered reply.

As Mick sat himself back into his chair, he watched Josef down the glass of neat scotch in one gulp, despite the fact that it must have burned on the way down…his friend didn't even flinch.

The P.I took a drop of fiery courage for himself before he spoke again.

"You haven't been feeding regularly…have you?" he softly enquired.

"What's it to you Mick? It's not like you approve of my methods, not since you developed…a conscience," the elder spat as if the very mentioning of the word left a foul taste in his mouth.

Mick sipped at his scotch, ignoring the less than subtle insult and then tried a different approach.

"Anna is worried about you."

"She'll get over it," Josef snapped, slamming the empty glass down on the stone hearth.

In that simple short reply, Mick knew how much his friend was hurting. In all the years he had spent in the company of the enigma that was Josef Kostan, he had never known him to disrespect his personal staff, especially not the girls that willingly supplied him with fresh blood. He had always seen to their every need, showered them with gifts, secretly ensured their safety and treated them like ladies. The cold dismissive statement was totally out of character.

The old immortal rubbed his left palm roughly across his forehead as if regretting his harsh words and wishing to erase them from his memory. He then threw Mick an apologetic glance before fixing his gaze on the flickering flames.

In that brief moment of eye contact, Josef had exposed his true self.

Mick had eventually become accustomed to seeing past the youthful face forever frozen in time. He knew now when he looked at Josef he was bearing witness to a time worn being. A creature that had endured through the ages.

Admittedly, Mick did slip on occasion, Josef made it so easy to forget just how old he really was.

Unlike many other elders, he had blended easily into modern living, adapted willingly to current trends and customs, relished in it in fact. He was not one to remain stagnant, clinging onto antiquated traditions. He considered it a waste of time and bad for business.

Therefore, there were times when he didn't take the successful businessman seriously, when he ignored the subtle words of advice shrouded in sarcastic tones and delivered with a sardonic smile. Words uttered with a confidence born from centuries of experience.

However, it was not his true age that he was a master at disguising…it was his true self.

To many humans, Josef often appeared as a young lucrative businessman, cold, conniving, unforgiving…someone who probably achieved his premature position of power in the financial world through ruthless machinations and questionable dealings.

To many vampires, he was a powerful force to be reckoned with, a devious depraved creature devoid of morals and deep feelings…but Mick knew better.

Most recently, he had witnessed first hand Josef's grief over Lola's death despite what she had done to him and other members of their clandestine community.

He had seen the visible regret when Josef realised he had put his friend's life in danger and the subsequent hurt at Mick's own frustrated outburst.

He could attest to the unwavering devotion shown by his friend for his love, Sarah and his utter remorse and self-recrimination over her current condition.

Finally, he had looked upon the older vampire's reluctance to re-turn him, his hesitance to take away in an instant the very thing Mick had longed for, for so long and actually sought out forgiveness for the act that Mick himself had forcefully demanded.

Josef Kostan was many things but callous and cold…he was not.

Movement to his right interrupted Mick's thoughts. Josef pulled back his shoulders, straightened his spine then eased himself into his chair.

Mick was about to speak when the older vampire turned and directed his intense gaze at him.

"You're the first person I've turned since…since…," Josef's brow furrowed at the painful memory, "I didn't trust myself to…"

At that moment, Mick felt like a selfish idiot.

"I'm sorry Josef…I shouldn't have put you in that position…but I wasn't thinking straight…Beth was in danger…," he sighed again, "look, you're the only one I would trust to do it but I didn't think about how it would affect you and for that I'm really sorry."

Josef nodded in understanding.

"I know Mick…I know," a small forced smile appeared then disappeared just as quickly. "I just don't know where I went wrong with Sarah."

Mick lowered his own gaze to stare at the remaining mouthful of scotch in his glass.

"Josef what happened to Sarah was…terrible, she loved you and wanted to be with you, you loved her so much you gave into her wishes, what you did, you did out of _love_ man. It was _not_ your fault that it didn't work out the way you had _both_ hoped…you can't keep on punishing yourself like this…doubting yourself."

"And what about _you_ Mick? Are you going to keep on punishing yourself now that you're a vampire again?" Josef shot back.

The question stung at first, almost like a reflexive reaction but as Josef's words swirled around inside his mind, Mick realised he had finally started to come to terms with what he was.

His decision to turn back into something he had considered a curse for so long had not been made lightly but he also knew that Beth would most likely be dead had he not followed that path. It wasn't the way he had hoped things would turn out but given the alternative, he didn't regret his decision.

"No…no I'm not, it was the right thing to do," he replied with utter conviction.

"Was she worth it?" Josef questioned softly, gently guiding his friend's thoughts once more.

"Yes, yes she was," he answered as a strange feeling of warmth that had nothing to do with the nearby fire, filled his chest.

"Because you love her," the elder affirmed, this time with a genuine smile.

Mick's blue eyes widened slightly at his friend's words, words he couldn't in all honesty deny and so he simply raised his glass to his old friend in a time-honoured salute and swallowed the remainder of his drink.

And so they sat there together in comfortable silence for the remainder of the night gradually finishing off the expensive scotch. Two immortals…two friends with more things in common, than they'd probably ever admit both victims of fate…both victims of love.

  
  


**OoOoo**

  
  


**Author's note:** Another oldie but I hope you enjoyed it. Apologies for the mush at the end :) Disclaimers: I don't on Moonlight or it's wonderful characters

  
  



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